Continuing in the grand tradition of their handlers wheeling decrepit zombies clinging bitterly to power around Congress to have them perform show-votes in an effort to buy time while the party figures out how to manipulate the process in order to ensure it benefits from the fallout — i.e., installing another dependable puppet for special interests into the vacant seat — longtime Swamp creature Mitch McConnell appears to be a vegetable after being found, reportedly, unconscious in his home due to a heart attack in June and having not appeared in public since.

Via CBS News:

"On the same morning Republican Sen. Mitch McConnell was hospitalized last month, emergency medical personnel went to his home to respond to an unconscious person who appeared to experience "cardiac arrest," according to a public EMS dispatch call reviewed by CBS News.

During the recording, a dispatcher called in a "cardiac arrest" and a medic said there was "CPR in progress" at McConnell's address. The dispatcher also said somebody was "unconscious." The call came in before 9 a.m. on June 14…

In a statement the next day, the spokesperson said McConnell — who was previously the Senate's top Republican — "is fully engaged with staff on Senate business and Kentucky matters."

That day, Senate Majority Leader John Thune said he spoke with McConnell and he "sounded good."

"He's clearly dialed into what's going on," the South Dakota Republican said on June 15. "He's following the stuff we're doing this week up here.""

Over the past several years, McConnell, whom Senator Thune very plausibly insists is "dialed in" based on an alleged conversation he had with him the very next day after he was found unconscious due to a heart attack, has suffered numerous health episodes, including "freezing" on camera multiple times.

(McConnell might actually be "dialed in" — only to a ventilator rather than the goings-on of Congress. To be fair, Thune doesn't specify.)

This Is What Democracy™ Looks Like!

Mitch: Faithful servant of the people and spring chicken, on his 2026 re-election bid pic.twitter.com/1rlfzhKXc1

— Ben Bartee (@BenBartee) July 7, 2026