Justice Demands Pay Raise

Statistics showing that Associate Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson has spoken more words than any other Supreme Court Justice since she joined the Court in 2022 has inspired her to demand a pay raise. "Data compiled by the New York Times show me far ahead of the others," she said. "I have spoken more than twice as many words (11,003) as second place finisher Amy Coney Barrett (4,475), more than three times as many as Chief Justice John Roberts (3,469), and more than 100 times as many as Clarence Thomas. Yet, I am still the lowest paid member of the Court. That isn't fair."

Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-Tex) called for "an equity review of the pay being received by each Justice. The NYT's data shows that every female Justice has spoken more words than any male Justice. This is clear evidence of sexism in that the compensation each has received does not reflect the amount of work being done by each member of the Court. That the hardest working member of the Court is the lowest paid suggests that racism also plays a part in determining relative compensation. Rather than paying them salaries it seems to me that being paid by the word would be a better system."

Justice Thomas found fault with the reasoning of both Brown-Jackson and Crockett, saying "it is the quality of the reasoning, not the quantity of the words used that measures the true value of each Justice's contribution to the work of the Court and, I might add, the value of Rep. Crockett's contribution to the work of Congress. Knowledge of the law and the Constitution is of far more value than the mere propensity to speak at greater length. While not everyone can be present to hear the arguments in the Court, the written opinions are records available for review by anyone. There is where we must look to judge the quality of the work being done."

Justice Brown-Jackson attempted to refute Justice Thomas' argument by calling it "an existential threat to the rule of law. In a democracy it is the quantity of votes that rules. Saying that quality is more important than quantity is an elitist opinion that has no place in a democratic society."

"Big Tent" Strategy Explained

Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chair Ken Martin attempted to rebuff criticism of its welcoming attitude toward antisemitism by explaining "look, the Democratic Party has been the most successful political organization in America's history. The reason why it has been is that it has always had a 'big tent' philosophy of tolerance for diverse viewpoints. Some of those viewpoints--like support of slavery--are no longer legal. But others, like antisemitism are merely controversial. Those having such views are entitled to participate in the democratic process of voting for candidates who best represent their views."

PBS News Hour, host Amna Nawaz asked Martin about newly elected Democrat nominee for Mayor of New York City Zohran Mamdani's "refusal to denounce the slogan globalize the intifada. Isn't this slogan a call for violence against Jews?"

Martin replied "you know, there's no candidate in this Party that I agree with 100% of the time. Historically, many people have hated Jews for various reasons. Today, many of the students in our elite universities are antisemitic. These our our best and brightest minds. Who am I to say that all these people are wrong? There's things that I don't agree with that Mamdani has said. As chair of the DNC, though, my task is to build a winning team. My belief is that we win by bringing more people into our coalition."

House Minority Leader Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) backed up Martin, saying "the big tent is the way to go. To paraphrase former President Lyndon Johnson 'it is better that we have the socialists and anti-semites inside the tent and pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.' There are more socialists and anti-semites then there are capitalists and Jews. So, I think our Party is making the sounder political choice."

In related news, parents of students enrolled in Philadelphia's public school system claim it is "an absolute cesspool of anti-semitism and anti-American hatred. Since Hamas's Oct. 7, 2023, massacre of Israelis, School officials have defended terrorism, called for the release of convicted cop killers, claimed Israel is an 'apartheid theocracy,' and denounced the United States as a 'criminal Amerikan empire.' We have been unable to persuade Gov. Shapiro to take effective action against this propaganda."

Shapiro's aides assert that "we have met with parents, connected local parents to key officials in the City of Philadelphia and at the Philadelphia School District, and directly supported efforts parents have made to register their complaints."

Gov Objects to ICE Raid on Marijuana Farm

A very irate Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) strenuously objected to an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raid on the Glass House Farms in Camarillo. saying "this invasion by an uninvited federal agency is wrong in so many ways. First, California is a sanctuary state. We love our immigrants and don't want them taken away. Second, California was once a part of Mexico before it was stolen in 1848. Third, Graham Farrar, the co-founder, president, and board director of Glass House Farms, has donated thousands to Democrats in California. He deserves better treatment. Fourth, this raid forced me to cut my 2028 presidential campaign stop in South Carolina short and, as such, unduly interferes with my right to run for office."

Customs and Border Protection Commissioner Rodney Scott dismissed Newsom's objections, saying "none of his complaints have any legal standing. Individuals who enter the country without permission are here illegally. That is the law. No state or city has the authority to interfere with our enforcement of that law. If the Governor wants to change this law he needs to persuade Congress to change it. In this regard, his campaign trip to South Carolina is a legitimate step in that direction. Interrupting that trip to make a futile complaint against the enforcement of the current law against illegally entering the country actually argues against his fitness for the office he says he is aspiring to be elected to."

Stephen Miller, White House deputy chief of staff for policy, pointed out that "the protesters of the ICE raid at Glass House Farms that had to be fended off with teargas were waving Mexican flags. I think attempting to impede law enforcement under the flag of a foreign country demonstrates that these particular illegal immigrants are a predatory incursion on American soil and triggers the deportation powers granted by the 1798 Alien Enemies Act."

In related news, during the presidential campaign the New York Times dismissed the claim that members of the violent Venezuelan Tren de Aragua gang were terrorizing folks in Aurora, Colorado, calling it a "conspiracy theory." Now the NYT admits that "the claims were true. We blame Democrat politicians for falsely asserting that Aurora residents and Republicans were merely 'crying wolf.' While this one example of our assuming that everything Trump says is a lie wasn't true, we still believe that in the vast majority of cases it is a good starting premise for our reporting and editorials."

Biden's Doctor Pleads the 5th

In his appearance at the House Oversight Committee this week, former President Biden's personal physician Dr. Kevin O'Connor invoked his constitutional right under the Fifth Amendment and declined to answer questions on the grounds that his answers might incriminate him.

Oversight Chairman James Comer (R-Ky) revealed the two questions that inspired Dr. O'Connor's refusal to answer, saying "our first question was 'were you ever told to lie about the president's health?' He Pleaded the Fifth. Our second question was 'Did you ever believe President Biden was unfit to execute his duties?' He pleaded the Fifth. I think that his refusal to answer adds more fuel to the fire that there was a cover-up. In as much as an important responsibility of the president's physician is to assess his fitness to serve as the president Dr. O'Connor's refusal to fulfill this responsibility manifests a clear dereliction of his duty to the country."

O'Connor's attorney David Schertler argued that "since Biden is no longer president the issue of whether he was fit to serve is now moot. Biden declined to seek a second term. There is no action that Congress can take against him even if it were proved that he was incapable of performing the duties of the office."

Comer insisted that "the issue isn't whether Biden could be removed from office, but whether he or someone else not elected to be president carried out the duties of the office. We have Special Counsel Robert Hur's March 2024 assessment that Biden was not mentally competent to stand trial for mishandling classified documents. Yet, he remained president for another ten months. Someone else must have acted in his stead for at least that period of time. The legitimacy of all presidential actions taken by this unidentified person are what we are investigating and potentially contesting. This issue is definitely not 'moot.'"

Dem Base Wants Blood

The success that President Trump is enjoying getting his policies implemented is spurring Democrat voters to demand that their elected representatives do more to prevent this undesired trend. An exasperated Rep. Brad Schneider (D-Ill) said "we've been doing all the usual things--voting against Republican-backed legislation, vilifying them in the media, and soliciting donations for the 2026 mid-term elections--but our white, well-educated voters living in upscale suburban or urban neighborhoods want more."

"A few Democrat officeholders have been more confrontational," Schneider pointed out. "Rep. Green (Tex) got himself ejected for heckling President Trump in Congress. Sen. Padilla (Calif) got himself tackled by security guards at Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem's press conference. Rep. McIver (NJ) got herself indicted for assaulting federal law enforcement officers. But our most progressive supporters say even this isn't enough. They want us to go full Bolshevik and mount an armed resistance to the Trump regime."

"I'm beginning to think that maybe Sen. Fetterman (Pa) is right," Schneider admitted. "Our Party seems to have lost contact with normal Americans who work hard, obey the law, and want peace and security for themselves and their families. The millions of immigrants that we let into the country are lowering the wages of American citizens. The whole LGBTQ thing has gone far beyond equal rights and into privileged treatment. Men are invading women's sports and restrooms. If we continue down this progressive rabbit hole Democrats will never regain a majority role in government."

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) called Schneider "a traitor to true democracy. Fetterman is on the wrong side of history. Socialism is on the side of the proletariat. We will establish a socialist America by any means necessary--voting it in or forcing it in if the people are too brainwashed to voluntarily choose the more peaceful option for achieving the total equality that Marx envisioned for humanity."