Tribe Calls for Eilish Eviction

At the most recent Grammy Awards, singer Billie Eilish asserted that "no one is illegal on stolen land." While her intent was to denounce the deportation criminal aliens being conducted by Immigration, Customs and Border (ICE) officers, the Tongva tribe has called for her "to be evicted from the land that was stolen from us."

Chief Anthony Red Blood Morales explained "we appreciate her admission that she is occupying land that was stolen from our people. We look forward to her agreeing to exit this land or propose an equitable rent or leasing fee to continue her occupation of our land."

Eilish objected, saying "I wasn't the one who stole their land. I paid for the property using my own hard-earned money. I own it now fair and square. It would be unfair to charge me rent when I've already incurred the expense of buying it."

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass), a self-professed Native American herself, called this "an opportunity to right ancient wrongs done to the original inhabitants of the land that is now called the United States. Ms. Eilish's acknowledgment that she's living on land that rightfully belongs to the Tongva tribe can be rectified by undoing the chain of illicit dispossession inflicted on those of us who are of native descent. I will be introducing legislation calling for the restoration of these lands to the original owners and voiding all claims held by the recipients of the stolen properties."

"Under my bill, each Indian tribe in the US will have the option to work out leasing or rental agreements with the current occupiers, if they so choose," Warren said. "They will also have the option to evict the occupiers and sue for the restoration of the land to its condition before it was stolen. One way or another, we will undo this blot on our nation's history."

Georgia County Challenges FBI Investigation

The FBI's seizure of ballots, documents, and machinery used by Fulton County in the 2020 presidential election was challenged by Fulton County election Commissioner Marvin Arrington. "Look, we went through all this nonsense in November of 2020," he complained. "At that time everyone agreed that Trump lost the election. The media declared Biden the winner. Judges determined that Trump lacked standing to challenge the results. Reexamining the outcome at this late date isn't worthwhile and could destabilize the country if it turns out that some mistakes were made."

FBI Director Kash Patel pointed out that "the 'lacks standing' grounds used to rebuff a declared 'losing candidate's' right to examine the process was recently overturned by the US Supreme Court. If the 2020 election was untainted by fraud our investigation should confirm the tallies reported by the state of Georgia. The County's efforts to impede our investigation confirms that it is needed."

Concerned that an investigation of Georgia's election returns could "open a 'Pandora's box' of potential scandal," Rep. Dan Goldman (D-NY) wants "to stop the Trump Administration from investigating election records, ballot boxes, and voting machines across the country. A finding that invalidates the declared 2020 results would besmirch our country's reputation as the world's leading democracy. Some things are better left undisturbed."

Trump advisor Cleta Mitchell pointed out that "on election day in 2020, Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger said Trump led by 103K votes with only 94K ballots left to count Four days later, there were 300K more ballots, including 148,000 absentee ballots from Fulton County. That's 25,535 more ballots than registered voters. Over 133,000 ballot images were deleted. Zero of 148 Fulton County tabulators had the required tapes. Nearly 7,000 fictitious ballots remain certified, and no one investigated."

Despite these discrepancies, Sen. David Perdue (R-Ga), fell three tenths of a percentage short of a majority in the 2020 election, said "my request for an investigation was denied. Georgia Bureau of Investigation Vic Reynolds told me 'we're not going to investigate. The governor wants me to tell you why we're not going to investigate. I'm a team player. If the governor doesn't want to investigate, we're not going to investigate.'"

Boston Mayor Declares US Borders Open

In Boston, Mayor Michelle Wu (D) declared that "every single human being has the legal right to come to the United States and seek shelter. We are the richest and most prosperous nation in the world. It shouldn't be hard for us to understand why people would want to live here. We have the billionaires who can be taxed to give immigrants a lifestyle unattainable anywhere else in the world. As a matter of equity, we owe it to immigrants, many of whom are too ignorant, too ill, or too unmotivated to support themselves, a decent standard of living that includes housing, food, medical care, education, transportation, as well as the luxuries that are unknown in their native lands that we citizens take for granted in the US."

Rep. Brandon Gill (R-Tex) said "Mayor Wu's demands are both fiscally unfeasible and morally repugnant. US Citizens would be taxed to support tens or hundreds of millions of dependents in addition to their own families."

Sen. Mike Lee (R-Ut) complained "Mayor Wu wants to give foreigners more rights than Americans have. We'd have to work to give them a good life. They wouldn't be required to do anything to earn it."

This isn't the first inequity the Mayor has inflicted in her reign. In 2023, Wu sponsored a "no whites" Christmas party in City Hall. The notice for the party was sent to all city employees. After some took offense, the Mayor apologized, saying "the invitation was only supposed to be sent to elected persons of color. Historically, they're the ones who've been excluded from 'whites only' events."

Mayor Orders Prosecution of ICE Officers

Mayor Brandon Johnson (D-Chicago) issued an executive order directing City Police to monitor ICE enforcement officers and look for potential felonies that could be prosecuted. He justified this order, saying "our state and city are sanctuaries for illegal immigrants. ICE is invading us in an attempt to negate our sovereignty over the areas we rule. We have a right to resist and repel this invasion."

Gov. JB Pritzker (D-Ill) praised Johnson's "aggressive defense of his city from the unwanted ICE invasion. I know the Trump Administration has emphasized that its focus is on so-called 'criminal illegal aliens'--those that supposedly have committed crimes other than illegally crossing our borders. Even if that were true, our sanctuary includes ALL persons being pursued by ICE. Because of their illegal status, normal employment opportunities are scarce. As a result selling illegal drugs, robbery, rape, and murder have become part of their lifestyle. If the ICE harassment would stop, these individuals could adopt more peaceful ways of life."

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt pointed out that "the surge of law enforcement into Chicago in the Fall of 2025 resulted in significant reductions in crime. Homicides declined by 30%, robberies by 35%, and carjackings by 50%. On top of this, more than 2,000 criminal illegal aliens were deported. Most sane people would be happy with these results. Why Governor Pritzker and Mayor Brandon are not remains a mystery to normal people."

In even more disturbing news, Long Beach, California mayoral candidate Rogelio Martinez called for "the 55 gang leaders in this community to help me take back the city from the ICE invaders. I am specifically asking Latino, Cambodian, Filipino, Black, and Pacific Islander gangs to meet me in person to plan our resistance to ICE operations in the city. I need your strength, support and leadership skills. If you love Long Beach like I do let's show the world what a real loving community looks like." It is hard to imagine that calling on criminals who conduct gunfights over who will control the market for illegal drugs and prostitutes, extort local businesses, and terrorize residents would motivate voters to elect this moron to be the city's next mayor.

Poll Shows Broad Support for ICE

While the mainstream media is trying to portray deporting illegal immigrants as an unpopular policy, a survey from Cygnal Polling indicates this policy is popular. Nearly two-thirds of voters think that illegal immigration is a serious problem. This includes 97% of Republicans, 71% of "swing" voters, 60% of independents, but only 33% of Democrats.

Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) discounted these results "because these polls only include registered voters. If elections were really restricted to this narrow constituency we would be worried. However, many states governed by our Party don't limit ballots to only those who are registered to vote. They don't require IDs to cast a ballot. So Democrats can cast multiple ballots though early voting, absentee voting, after election day balloting, and ballot harvesting. Haven't you been paying attention to elections we've been winning where there are more ballots cast than there are registered voters in the district?"

Sen. Rick Scott (R-Fla) asserted "we are going to put an end to Democrat vote fraud by passing the 'Save Act.' This law will require every voter to show a photo ID before he or she is given a ballot. We know that Senator Schumer and his Democrat colleagues will try to filibuster this legislation, but we are going back to the 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington' type of filibuster where senators must actually talk to keep the filibuster going. Once they stop talking we hold a vote and the 'Save Act' passes with a simple majority."

Schumer laughed "at Scott's naivety. There are 47 Democrats in the Senate. We will easily outlast the Republicans with our tag-team of experienced bloviators. There's no way a voter ID requirement ever gets passed into law."

NYC Mayor Stumped

The last week has been kind to its newly-innaugurated democratic-socialist New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani. A massive blizzard left mountains of snow in the streets, more than a dozen homeless inhabitants froze to death, and rats are feasting on uncollected garbage piled up everywhere except right outside his Gracie Mansion residence.

"I'm new to the job," the Mayor reminded everyone. "I know the burdens will get heavier, but right now I struggle to imagine how it could be better."

Hmm, maybe haul away the garbage and snow plow the streets? Could that make things better?